Mossflower Science Theatre #2: "Martin's First Time"



Disclaimer; Agents Laburnum and Foxglove are mine. Stormsong and Skyfire are makhsihed's. All other characters involved belong to Brian Jacques. The idea of Mystery Science Theatre belongs to Best Brains. "Martin's First Time" belonged to the same person who did "Shadow Rapes Matthias" - MST of this is back on my Writing page, this probably won't make sense unless you read that one first.


(Scene: Death Pit Theatre. Agents Laburnum and Foxglove are once again sitting in the front row, next to a mousemaid with a length of knotted rope over one shoulder, and two stoats – one of whom looks sullen and is picking his claws with a dagger, whereas the other is vastly overweight and wearing huge wooden clogs and braids in his fur, and is grinning and waving at the camera.)

FOXGLOVE: Hi! I’m Agent Foxglove, and this is Agent Laburnum. (Laburnum waves.) And once again we’d like to welcome you to Mossflower Science Theatre!

LABURNUM: We riff the yiff! Now say hello to our latest victi- er, helpers.

FOXGLOVE: Okay, first off … say hello to everyone’s favourite warrior maiden, the first person I’ve ever seen who can make a piece of ship’s rope into a seriously badass weapon – Mariel Gullwhacker!

MARIEL: (waves and grins at camera) Hi! I said I’d join in as long as they promised not to tell my dad I was reading this. Dandin ran screaming when they asked him, I stuck around and asked what it was, and it doesn’t sound all that bad.

(Window of projection booth opens. Agent Stormsong leans out.)

STORMSONG: Remember those words, my brave young maiden, thou mayst find thyself eating them. Hast thou heard of what this writer’s last tale concerned?

MARIEL: Oh yes. (wince) Cluny couldn’t resist telling Shadow once he got back to the staffroom, and Shadow’s been sulking ever since.

BADRANG: (interrupting) At least we think he has, we haven’t been able to find him.

STORMSONG: Well, ‘tis not my place to stop thee if thou dost wish to join our friends. But be not too swift to judge the tale afore the viewing, Miss Mariel, I fear thou knowst not fully what the fanwriters be capable of.

MARIEL: I know damn well what they’re capable of! I only agreed to do this one because it’s not about me, have you seen what they do to me?

LABURNUM: ‘Scuse me, guys, but you’re taking up our intro time. Moving on, our other co-stars … Badrang, ruler of Fort Marshank, the first warlord ever to almost defeat Martin the Warrior – okay, maybe eventually he lost, but he came damn close! And Tramun Josiah Cuttlefish Clogg, captain of the Seascarab! (to camera) C’mon, guys, applaud. Badrang gets sulky if you don’t.

BADRANG: Ahem. I’d just like to point out that I’m only here because I heard that the story features Martin the Warrior … (spits) … and I can’t pass up a chance to see my worst enemies be humiliated.

CLOGG: Funny, that’s exac’ly why I’m ‘ere. (grins. Badrang sniffs contemptuously)

FOXGLOVE: Please, guys, save your banter for the riffs. (looks at watch) Oh, it’s time! Stormsong, we’re as ready as we’ll ever be, can you roll the fic?

(Stormsong nods and goes back into the booth. Lights go down, film starts rolling. Clogg makes shadow puppets until Badrang slaps his paws down. 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …)


Martin’s First Time

Fanfiction of the Redwall series, from the book Mossflower

This story takes place during events in the book Mossflower.

MARIEL: We know. You did just say so.

They jump in the river fully clothed to escape Tsarmina

CLOGG: Wait, who do wot?

BADRANG: Only one sentence in and he’s already losing track … (Clogg glares)

and swim to their cave camp.

LABURNUM: Foxglove, my dear friend? Just so you know, any “camp” puns will result in me slapping you repeatedly.

FOXGLOVE: Aww, no fair!

I figure that they would not remain in their wet clothes once safe.

FOXGLOVE: Whee! Naked time!

LABURNUM: (shudders) And never quote the Potter Puppet Pals again either!

It is obvious that clothes would require a lot of time to dry, so all the characters would have to remain naked until then.

BADRANG: Hey, Skipper? Let me introduce you to this wonderful new invention. I believe it’s called a “towel” …

MARIEL: And this other one, which is called a “chest of drawers”, from which you can take a spare set of clothing …

Also otters probably don't normally wear clothes anyway when swimming so are used to being naked.

LABURNUM: What is it with this writer and unnecessary public nudity?

And wonder what events could happen during this time.

I make no claims to the characters. This is an adult story involving consensual

(Laburnum and Foxglove quietly sigh with relief.)

sex between males (with implied other couplings). If you shouldn't be reading this story for whatever reasons, why are you?

LABURNUM: Because I’m either too sentimental to refuse my friends or too stubborn to go back on a bet.

CLOGG: Don’t look at me, it’s jes’ sheer nosiness on my part.

Go away and read something more suitable.

BADRANG: I would if I could, but the portal’s closed ...

FOXGLOVE: You had your chance.


LABURNUM: My God, it’s full of stars!

After fighting Tsarmina the wildcat they escaped using the river.

CLOGG: I’m still confused, who are they talkin’ about?

Skipper the Otter had told Martin

BADRANG: Them. Pay attention, Clogg.

to take a deep breath and plunged in.

FOXGLOVE:  Whoa! That was quick!

LABURNUM: They mean into the water, Fox … I hope …

Gonff the mousethief was dragged along by another otter. Martin had no idea how long they were under the river but sooner than he thought they surfaced inside a cave. He was tossed onto the bank,

LABURNUM: Deposited. (snickers, nudges Foxglove) Bank, deposit … geddit, Fox? (Foxglove stares blankly) Oh, never mind.

coughing and spluttering and gulping great amounts of air. All around him he watched otters, both male and female, divesting themselves and each other of their clothing as soon as they were out of the water, and hanging them in various places to dry.

(MSTers whoop and wolf-whistle.)

He was rather curious about it, until he sighted his new mouse friend and rushed over. Gonff had not fared as well as he on the underwater journey.

LABURNUM: (Gonff) Dammit, I lost my keys!

But Martin need not worry, for after a while Gonff came

CLOGG: (grinning) That was quick! 

BADRANG: (hits Clogg) It’s not starting yet and it’ll be bad enough when it does, so keep your mouth shut, alright? At least I don’t think it’s starting …


BADRANG: Phew. I was worried there.

FOXGLOVE: You will be …

As soon as the mousethief felt better, he too got undressed just as the otters had. Martin was the only one still wearing his clothes.

Skipper said, "You and your clothes would dry a whole lot faster if you were not wearing them, Martin."

LABURNUM: Because Skipper talks like a robot all the time.

MARIEL: Look, it’s better than seeing them trying to write the accent and mutilating it.

With some trepidation the warrior mouse also removed his clothes,
which were quickly whisked

FOXGLOVE: … with eggs and icing sugar. Brings a whole new meaning to “eat my shorts”.

away by the otter to dry. He had looked around and so far nothing had changed in the otter's demeanor or behavior.

LABURNUM: Until he started swearing when he couldn’t find his pockets.

And Gonff was acting just as if he were not standing around stark naked with his genitals showing.

BADRANG: Hello, Department of Redundancy Department?

That's when Martin realized he had completely ignored the naked otters when he saw his new friend was unconscious, his concern overruled his sight.

MARIEL: He suffered from hysterical blindness?

Even when he was only a few inches from the naked male otter, who himself was straddling the mousethief's body in an attempt to save his life.

CLOGG: (otter) Yeah, I know it looks bad, but I’m just tryin’ a new way o’ doin’ the kiss o’ life! Honest! (sniggers)

He was not sure, however, that what the mousethief said was due to his coming around or if he knew what was going on;

LABURNUM: Oh, he knows alright …

but Martin thought he heard Gonff whisper to the otter straddling his prostrate form, "Perhaps some other time, mate".

BADRANG: Yes. Please. Some other time when I don’t have to see it.

It wasn't long before Martin even forgot his own nudity.

FOXGLOVE: Unfortunately, he then walked outside and scared the life out of the Girl Scouts selling cookies at the door.

He figured that nothing was different at all, everyone was still doing the same tasks they've always done, so why couldn't he.

LABURNUM: Where has he left his question marks.

Hours passed and soon otters were drowsing. Martin himself felt

FOXGLOVE: The smut’s starting in Yoda-speak?!

(All shudder.)

rather tired.

(All sigh with relief.)

Skipper came up to him, trailed by Gonff, both seeming to have boundless energy and said, "Come on, mate. I have a private cave here, would easily fit us three comfortably, and it is a trifle warmer".

BADRANG: Wait, which one of them said …? Oh, I give up.

With that he led the way with Martin taking up the rear,

(Foxglove and Clogg snigger. Badrang glares at them.)

around bends

CLOGG: Well, summat’s definitely “bent” … (sniggers again)

and past other caves which were used for storage till they reached Skipper's sleeping quarters.

"You get some sleep, friend. Gonff, I and some others are going to finish up work here before retiring

MARIEL: (Skipper) ... from our long careers appearing in fanfic, so we can escape this story.

ourselves," said the otter. Martin layed down on the comfortable bedding, and was soon fast asleep. Gonff gave his otter friend a sly wink and said, "Do you think it will work?" Skipper just nodded to him and they walked out.

FOXGLOVE: (Skipper) Affirmative, agent, the bomb is planted! Subject is unconscious at ground zero! We have five minutes to evacuate the premises! (hums “Mission Impossible”)

LABURNUM: The terrifying thing is, that could actually make for a better story.

A few hours later they came back in and saw Martin laying stretched out on his back, his legs spread some. They both went over to his sleeping form.

BADRANG: And they drove a stake through his heart.

Gonff got down on all fours, at a slight angle from the snoozing mouse's body, and began licking Martin's sheathe while caressing his balls. As soon as some of the warrior's cock slipped out of its furry home

FOXGLOVE: … it started crowing.

he took it into his mouth and began sucking gently. Skipper immediately getting behind the mousethief sporting an erection

MARIEL: Wait, was it Skipper or Gonff who was …?

LABURNUM: Assume they mean both. It’s simpler that way.

and quickly thrust it into his partner's tight ass.

(Pause. MSTers look at each other.)

FOXGLOVE: One of us has to say it.

LABURNUM: True. I don’t think I want to know the answer, but one of us is going to ask.

CLOGG: So who’ll it be?

BADRANG: All of us together?

MARIEL: That works. Three … two … one …


ALL: (screaming) But HOW?!

SKYFIRE: (shouting from projection booth) They’re not using Real World animal sizes, you know! I’d have thought you’d remember that since you know me and Stormsong, we’re human-sized! Well, not when we’re here, but most of the time …

LABURNUM: I don’t care what they meant! We’ve been at the OFUR too long, I’m used to the size differences, and the mental images have already sunk in!

FOXGLOVE: Ohh, this is gonna hurt …

Gonff couldn't help but verbally react, grateful that his mouth was full otherwise it would wake Martin far sooner than they planned.

MARIEL: And in the effort to not make any noise, he bit down.

(Male MSTers wince.)

Both figured that as exhausted as Martin was, it would take a while for him to wake up.

CLOGG: Even if they’re doin’ that to ‘im? I know damn well I’d wake up! C’mon, nobeast could sleep through …

And they were right. 

CLOGG: D’oh!

MARIEL: (pats Clogg’s shoulder) It’s stupid, we know. Just try and bear with it.

Skipper had shot his first load of otter cum into Gonff's rear in fifteen minutes but kept going at it in his friend's ass. About half an hour after they started, Gonff could tell Martin was getting close to an orgasm himself.

LABURNUM: And the biological accuracy begins its downward spiral …

Martin was beginning to slowly wake up. His dreams had started out with him and Rose walking hand in hand on a beach,

(Badrang mimes vomiting.)

FOXGLOVE: Guys, look! Cute harmless in-character image! Quick, get it locked in your minds before …

but then soon Rose had him propped up against a rock and was giving him a blowjob.

FOXGLOVE: … that happens. (sigh)

(Badrang and Clogg shudder violently.)

Rose had never done anything like it, nor even suggested such. Martin himself never thought of doing such things either, not until after they were married.

LABURNUM: Which would explain why they were never in a scene involving her father wielding a shotgun.

MARIEL: Well, that actually is pretty much in-character as far as I know …

BADRANG: It won’t last. Trust me on that.

Which never came about since she died.

CLOGG: Don’t ‘ave ter stop ‘em. Never seen Corpse Bride?

FOXGLOVE: You have?

BADRANG: Yeah, it’s in the staff DVD library. Nearest thing we’re allowed to a horror film since Plugg’s axe incident with Kurda in the shower …

As his eyes began to open he discovered the pleasure he was feeling had followed him from his dream.

FOXGLOVE: Like Freddy Krueger?

It took him a while to fully realize that someone was actually sucking his cock, and doing it very well.

LABURNUM: Suffering molestation is fun!

He had only pawed himself off. No one had ever done anything with him, so he was unprepared for just how good it really felt.

MARIEL: (sarcastic) Sure, I always knew I’d want my first time to be an orgy with my fairly-new best friend plus some guy I’d only met that day …

But he was torn between stopping them because he felt the only one he wanted in such a way was his beloved Rose,

BADRANG: Yes! Stop them! Then we don’t have to read this stuff!

MARIEL: Fight it, Martin! Fight it! You can stay in character, I know you can!

CLOGG: (chanting, claws crossed) Bad touch! Bad touch! No means no! No means no!

and allowing them to continue because he sorely needed the release. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he could make out the form sucking him.

FOXGLOVE: Nothing sucks like-

MARIEL: This story?

FOXGLOVE: Mm, I was gonna say an Electrolux, but I like your idea better.

It was another mouse. He continued to waken and remembered where he was,

CLOGG: The pits o’ Hellgates?

BADRANG: No, that’s where we are for as long as the story’s scrolling …

and realized there was only one other mouse around, Gonff. He heard other sounds, and saw Gonff's body

BADRANG: … hanging from a tree.

moving as if it were being pushed back and forth. Which it was. For now he could clearly see the outline of an otter behind Gonff's body. The otter was clearly male, as Martin could see the otter's cock stuffed

LABURNUM: … with sage and onion.

CLOGG: Mm, chicken.

BADRANG: Great, now I can never eat poultry again.

into Gonff's behind and was thrusting in and out.

FOXGLOVE: Means nothing in the dark. Never heard of a stra-

LABURNUM: Fox, I’m not gonna let you drag us into Crow Syndrome, so quit trying.


He couldn't believe he was seeing this.

BADRANG: Nor can I.

He didn't know such was possible between two males.

LABURNUM: Uh … if he’s spent as much time at Marshank as he did, I think he’d know.

BADRANG: (glares) What are you implying?

LABURNUM: Nothing, nothing … just, if the woodlanders are going at it randomly in front of him, then why weren’t the vermin? Most people would think it would be the other way round … (realises Badrang is still glaring, backpedals frantically) I mean … not that any of you would be going at it randomly until the bad yiffers got hold of you.

BADRANG: That’s better.

He stared transfixed to the sight before him, that is, until his pending orgasm distracted him.

CLOGG: Yeah, that’ll distract ‘em every time.

MARIEL: Somehow I don’t think it’d make a very efficient distraction method in combat or anything, though.

FOXGLOVE: You’ve never seen La Blue Girl, have you?

MARIEL: No, what’s it abou-

LABURNUM: (high-pitched, interrupting) Oh look, the fic’s moving on!

They both could sense he was waking up shortly before he did, but the otter and other mouse didnt' stop their fun. They didn't even say a word even when it was clear that he was awake.

BADRANG: (hopeful) Because he was so busy yelling at them for pawing him up without permission that they couldn’t get a word in edgeways? I’ll consider forgetting my vendetta against him for long enough to watch that!

Martin began thrusting his hips unconsciously up into the maw that was expertly sucking his cock. Gonff let him while continuing his blowjob. The only sound Martin made when he came

CLOGG: An’ went. Can we leave now?


was a stifled grunt.

LABURNUM: Well, makes a change from the usual banshee screams you get in this stuff. Guess that’s a point in its favour.

He could feel his entire cock buried balls deep inside the mouse's throat,

BADRANG: He’s impaled him on it? That’s … interesting.

and feel the throat muscles working to swallow the load of spunk he shot.

After he came down from his orgasm and Gonff had released his cock,

MARIEL: Which flew away.

both the mousethief and the otter said, "Good morning, Martin".

FOXGLOVE: (sings) The earth says hell-ooooo!

It was then he realized who the otter was. It was Skipper. But the otter didn't let up his fucking of Gonff, and the other mouse didn't tell him to stop.

MARIEL: Why would he tell him to stop now when he’s been at it for three-quarters of an hour already?

CLOGG: (Gonff) ‘Ey Skip, I didn’t notice yer! Wot’re yer doin’ back there?

FOXGLOVE: (Gonff) Ow, stop, the anaesthetic’s wearing off!

In fact Gonff, now that he could actually speak out loud said, "Harder, Skipper! Ohhhh, fuck me harder!"

LABURNUM: (sarcastic) Oooh yeah baby, rip my mucous membranes like that!

FOXGLOVE: Ewww! And you yelled at me for dirty jokes?

LABURNUM: Well, it would!

Which Skipper willingly obliged as Martin watched transfixed.

BADRANG: Transfixed with a spear?

CLOGG: Yer wish.

The mouse warrior couldn't take his eyes off the scene so very close to him. He watched as the otter cock became a blur in the other mouse's rear.

MARIEL: Ooofff, friction burns!

(All MSTers simultaneously cross their legs and wince.)

A few minutes later Martin heard the otter speak, "Here it comes, Matey. The one thing you can always take from me, whenever you please". With that he thrust his cock back inside with an audible slap,

(MSTers look faintly disgusted.)

left it buried as his body shuddered in orgasm. There was no doubt in Martin's mind

CLOGG: Not surprisin’, since there weren’t no other thoughts either.

that Skipper was filling his friend's ass with otter seed.

BADRANG: So do otters grow from trees or bushes?

Though he never expected to see so much begin running down out of the mouse's hole

FOXGLOVE: Jerry’s not gonna be pleased they’ve flooded his house …

and down both males' legs to puddle on the floor of the cave.

CLOGG: Skipper slipped in it, landed on the mice an’ crushed ‘em. The end. Can I leave now?


Martin was stunned for many reasons.

MARIEL: So am I!

He couldn't think of anything to say.

BADRANG: Luckily we don’t have that problem, or we’d be stark raving insane by now.

He just layed there staring at his friends. He watched as the otter pulled his cock out of the mouse's ass and saw just how big it was,

FOXGLOVE: Wait, which of them is he calling big, Gonff’s backside or the otter’s-

BADRANG: (groans) Foxglove, I don’t want to hear that …

FOXGLOVE: What? I want to know!

and his eyes went wide. As soon as the otter pulled out, Gonff moved away, and Skipper was the one to get down on all fours, moving his tail out of the way over his back to allow Gonff access and to give Martin the best view possible. His own otter cock 

MARIEL: Why the heck do they need to point out the species of-

CLOGG: Prob’ly better we don’t ask.

had not gone down at all and was standing out parrallel to his belly.

Gonff got behind the otter and without pretense just shoved his mouse cock into his otter friend's ass with ease.

LABURNUM: Which is good, since it would have been very difficult to get the elephant one in.

His cock was clearly smaller than the otter's

FOXGLOVE: Well, duh.

but was a lot larger than most mice have, Martin figured it was even larger than his own.

(Badrang sniggers.)

CLOGG: Oh, this is not good fer the ole self-esteem.

As Gonff fucked the otter, Skipper said, "Now it's my turn to taste this warrior's 'sword'".

BADRANG: Well, that’s a really good way to cut your tongue out.

LABURNUM: Okay, that does it. This writer’s spoiled that joke for me, I am never using it again.


(Laburnum scowls.)

With that he quickly engulfed Martin's cock and was even more an expert than the mousethief. For as soon as his cock was swallowed Martin

BADRANG: … screamed as he realised Skipper had chewed it off. (mutters to self) Hmm, potential revenge fantasy there if I fiddle the context a little …

shuddered and moaned

CLOGG: Like we’re doin’?

with pleasure.

CLOGG: Ah, so not like we’re doin’.

He hadn't realized till now that his own cock had not gone down, but was still fully erect.

BADRANG: Biological Accuracy, we hardly knew ye …

Martin couldn't help but enjoy himself as the male otter sucked and licked his shaft, while fondling his furry mouseballs.

(Laburnum and Foxglove snicker.)

LABURNUM: When did the action move to PC World?

FOXGLOVE: (trying to quote through rapidly rising laughter) “If a mouse fails to operate, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.”

(They collapse, giggling. Other MSTers look confused.)

Occassionally Skipper would remove his mouth

LABURNUM: What is it with this writer’s work and removing body parts? First it was eyes, then Shadow removing his paw … how does one remove one’s mouth?

BADRANG: I don’t know, but it probably results in a lot of drool going everywhere.

MARIEL: You mean what he’s doing now wouldn’t result in drool everywhere?

CLOGG: Well, it sure ain’t resultin’ in drool from us … (sigh)

and suck on his testicles instead.

FOXGLOVE: Would you guys hit me if I made a comment about teaching your grandmother to suck eggs? (Laburnum nods firmly.) Aww.

BADRANG: Would be difficult, since he’s just removed his mouth.

CLOGG: Mebbe he’s usin’ it like a sock puppet?

While this was going on, Martin was dividing his attention between watching the otter work, to watching Gonff work the otter's ass. Both were focusing on their respective tasks,

LABURNUM: They might as well be doing homework or something … mechanical, isn’t it?

which left the otter's cock untouched. Martin felt he should reciprocate something,

BADRANG: Someone’s been using a thesaurus.

though he had never done anything with male or female, it didn't feel right

FOXGLOVE: Then tell them to stop!

CLOGG: (crossing claws and chanting again) No means no! No means no!

that his friends should be giving him such pleasure and he not do anything for them. He reached his paw over and took ahold of the otter's cock.

MARIEL: It pecked him.

He figured that what felt good to him would work on the otter so he began slowly stroking the otter, and enjoying the sounds the other male produced because of it.

FOXGLOVE: Hey, cool, listen to this! (raises arm, clenches fist and brings it down sharply while making loud whistling sound.)

LABURNUM: Fox, why are you milking the giant cow?

FOXGLOVE: I was trying to imitate a train whistle, okay? (sighs) Not my fault you don’t recognise my talent.

After a few minutes though his arm was getting tired and had to stop.

BADRANG: Some warrior he is if his arm gets tired before he’s finished doing that … I got killed by this?

The otter understood that his friend had never done it with another male,

CLOGG: How does ‘e know?

MARIEL: The confused look on Martin’s face five minutes ago, I’d guess.

and that Martin had wanted to return the favor simply because they were friends.

LABURNUM: Uh, Skip? That’s generally known as “coercion”. It’s not a good thing. You really should talk to Martin about that.

But how far would the mouse be willing to go, he wondered to himself.

BADRANG: Several miles away from this story. I’ll go with him!

Without a sound he began shifting his body closer to the warrior mouse, and Gonff followed along without breaking his rhythmic fucking of the otter's ass.

CLOGG: Sounds difficult. Was ‘e on rollerskates or somethin’?

Soon Gonff and the otter were spreading their legs, placing one on either side of Martin.

MARIEL: So they only have one leg each?

CLOGG: Yeah, they left their other ones back wid their mouths fer safekeepin’.

Now the mouse could see clearly the mousethief's cock spreading the otter's tailhole as he fucked,

FOXGLOVE: (sings) I can see clearly now the rain has gone …

and the otter's cock hanging down right over his own mouth.

LABURNUM: But … Oh God, Martin, don’t put that in your mouth! You KNOW where it’s just been!


Martin understood what the otter was doing, but though friends, was unsure.

CLOGG: I’m not bloody surprised!

Seconds later a drop of the otter's precum had dripped onto his whiskers

LABURNUM: Ah, yet another attack of the good old Weepingcock virus.

FOXGLOVE: Poor little depressed chicken.

and he instinctively licked it off, getting a good taste of it. It didn't taste bad at all, rather good in fact. Another drop followed and this time Martin let it land on his tongue directly.

MARIEL: Aww, like a snowflake! (Laburnum shudders.) What?

LABURNUM: Sorry, context and word association. (Mariel stares questioningly.) Er, look up “snowballing” when you next go on the Internet … no, on second thoughts don’t. You may not want to know. 

It was then that Skipper lowered his body some, bringing his cock closer to Martin's mouth.

FOXGLOVE: Martin takes up a new career as a circus geek, biting the heads off chickens.

Martin didn't need any more coaxing but took what he could of the otter's cock into his mouth and began working it over.

(All MSTers make gagging and retching sounds.)

He listened to the sounds the otter made and the feel of the otter's body to figure out what to do to give the otter pleasure. It didn't take him long before he was very good at it.

CLOGG: An’ he’s become an expert in all o’ wot, two minutes?

BADRANG: Well, be fair. The same thing happens for the new wielders of that sword of his, maybe it’s the same principle … (He smirks. Laburnum twitches, but doesn’t respond.)

Combined with being fucked, being sucked, and sucking Martin off, the otter

MARIEL: … was terribly confused, because he’s bad at multitasking.

couldn't hold back much longer. Neither could Martin or Gonff.

CLOGG: Nor can I … knew I shouldn’t ‘ave eaten so much afore I came in. (gags and swallows)

It was Martin who shot first,

FOXGLOVE: Shoot first and ask questions later …

LABURNUM: No, keep shooting. Then they’re out of their misery and this thing can end early.

which the otter sucked greedily down his throat. The instant he tasted mouse seed, Skipper

CLOGG: (hopeful) … was sick?

felt even more aroused and it caused him to go off in the warrior's throat as well. Martin was unprepared but did the best he could to swallow such a large amount from a cock that clearly stretched his mouth wide.

BADRANG: He failed, and drowned. The end. Can I leave now?

MARIEL: No. Oh, come on, that wasn’t even a funny dark riff.

Skipper's orgasm caused him to tense his anal muscles, gripping Gonff's cock tightly, making the other mouse bury his bone to the balls and shoot his load of spunk

LABURNUM: Enough with the absolutely awful annoying alliteration already, alright?!

deep into the otter's bowels. All remained where they were for a few more seconds after Gonff's orgasm was over, Martin could see the mouse's cum leaking out of the otter's tailhole and run down his legs as well as drip off his balls onto Martin's face.

(All start gagging and retching again.)

Gonff pulled away first, allowing Skipper to remove his cock

MARIEL: They did it again! They did it again!

(Male MSTers wince.)

from the warrior's mouth and remove his own mouth from Martin's cock.

BADRANG: Well, he shouldn’t have been keeping it there in the first place.

Gonff just sat where he was, his back to the cave wall and one leg on each side of Martin's head.

CLOGG: (Gonff) ‘Ey Martin, can ye pass those back over ‘ere? I gotta stand up now!

His cock swiftly retreating into his furry sheath.

LABURNUM: Aww, the poor chicken’s scared now, it’s hiding.

MARIEL: Not surprising, I don’t think it wants to be in this story.

Martin just lay where he was, trying to catch his breath,

CLOGG: So first they lose limbs, now ‘is breath is escapin’? Sounds painful.

his own cock was, not surprisingly, still very much erect.

LABURNUM: Well, I’m surprised. From what I’ve heard they generally need to take a break about now … well, actually they should have taken a break quite a long time ago.

FOXGLOVE: I’m not. It’s badfic, they can keep going for hours.

MARIEL: When do they stop?

LABURNUM: (dully) When karma decides we’ve been punished enough.

Skipper had simply flipped over onto his back and laid there by Martin's side. His own cock was also still erect. After he got his breath back

CLOGG: (Skipper) Oh, there it is! Now I just gotta find me mouth and me other leg …

the otter asked the warrior mouse, "How did it taste?"

BADRANG: Considering where it had been previously, I don’t really think I want to know!

Martin answered that he had never tasted another male's essence before,

FOXGLOVE: Peppermint or vanilla?

LABURNUM: You’re calling this vanilla?

so had no other to compare the taste to.

MARIEL: Can’t he just compare it to something he has eaten?

BADRANG: You’re searching for logic in bad yiff-fic dialogue. Give it up.

Which Gonff quickly volunteered to give Martin something to compare tastes with.

BADRANG: (hopeful) A knuckle sandwich?

LABURNUM: I hope not, they’re losing enough body parts as it is.

All three friends laughed.

MARIEL: All five riffers threw up.

CLOGG: I thought rodents couldn’t throw up?

MARIEL: Then I’m about to break the laws of nature and become the first.

Martin said that he found it very tasty, and joked that it must be all that fish the otter eats.

CLOGG: Ain’t it female’s bits that smell like fi- (Mariel and Badrang hit him.) Ow!

"Seeing as how our good friend Gonff seems to be done for the night, yet you and I are still standing tall,

LABURNUM: (Skipper) … we should get him to call a doctor before either of us passes out from lack of blood to the correct head.

FOXGLOVE: Hey, how come you get to make dirty jokes and you still yell at me for them?

LABURNUM: Mine was clever. Yours are just crude.

perhaps you'd like to take over where Gonff left off?" the otter spoke, getting up on all fours again and raising his tail to show Martin just what he was referring to.

FOXGLOVE: “I’m sorry, Skipper, but Martin got stuck in your what?”


BADRANG: Gah! That’s just … that’s going too far!

FOXGLOVE: Hey, I’m accused of being crude, I’ve gotta live up to it!

He then said, "I've never been fucked by two mice in a row, and I'm sure you would enjoy it. But let us use another position, cave floor can be hard on the knees after a time".

With that the otter got up and kneeled over Martin's crotch,

CLOGG: But ‘e just said-

FOXGLOVE: Smile and nod! That’s what we told the last set of riffers. It ends quicker that way.

straddling the warrior mouse's naked form, one leg on each side.

LABURNUM: The narrator’s channeling Mojo Jojo. 

He then reached down and helped guide Martin's cock to his well fucked ass and slowly sat down on it,

CLOGG: Flattenin’ Martin in the process. The end. Can I leave-


allowing the mouse to feel the heat and wetness engulf his erection till the otter was sitting in his lap.

After letting Martin savor the feeling, the otter began to move up and down the mouse's shaft,

FOXGLOVE: I guess it’s an elevator shaft.

LABURNUM: (raising and lowering paw) Otter goes up. Otter goes down. Otter goes up. Otter goes down.

sometimes letting it escape

MARIEL: So it flew away.

CLOGG: Speakin’ of which, can I le-


save for the tip then gliding

CLOGG: (Skipper) I can flyyyyy!

back down upon it. All the while tightening and loosening his anal muscles to produce different sensations for his friend. He then knelt upward slightly, just enough to keep half of the mouse's cock inside.

"Buck your hips up, matey. Show me what you can do," was all Skipper said.

FOXGLOVE: (sings) C’mon let’s go, real slow, don’t you see baby asi es perfecto …

Martin obliged his new friend and thrusting just his hips up began to fuck the otter. Soon he had a good rhythm going that was causing the otter to moan out with pleasure. His eyes closed in a daze as the mouse's cock would hit his prostate over and over,

FOXGLOVE: (sings) Show me whatcha got, how many ways can ya hit the spot?

causing his own cock to leak precum copiously down the shaft,

LABURNUM: The mine’s flooded again.

to his balls, and finally to land on the mouse's belly creating a puddle there.

MARIEL: (shudder) I want to bathe just from looking at that sentence.

BADRANG: I wanted to bathe just from knowing what this fic was about!

After a while of this the otter displayed the flexibility of his kind by quickly bending forward and much to Martin's surprise, swallowed the entire shaft of his own otter cock and began deepthroating himself.

CLOGG: Nothin’ surprisin’ about that. Watch … (starts to bend forward, others grab him and haul him upright)

LABURNUM: We already had to stop Cluny from demonstrating that, we don’t need you doing it as well. Behave or we make you watch this twice.

CLOGG: (frightened squeak) I’ll be good!

Despite having cum twice already (once for each friend) it was no more than half an hour after starting that Martin felt he was getting close.

MARIEL: And we have how many points on the list of Signs This Writer Has Never Seen A Male Up Close again?

BADRANG: I don’t know, I lost count. 

He had never felt something as hot and moist as the otter's tailhole.

MARIEL: So he’s never experienced bathwater?

(Clogg winces.)

He whispered to his otter friend, "I'm going to cum soon, Skipper." 

FOXGLOVE: I can’t help but notice he’s completely forgotten about Rose by now.

LABURNUM: Badfic rule – hero invariably forgets instantly about canon lover when new one is introduced. ‘Course, normally the new one is a Mary Sue and the author actually tries to introduce some form of emotions – or at least thoughts – in there, but I think the principle’s the same.

The pleasure he received from his self-service,

LABURNUM: (mutters to self) No, must resist urge to joke about self-insertions, must resist …

Martin fucking his ass

CLOGG: Poor donkey.

(and the knowledge that he was Martin's first in this), caused the otter to orgasm first. Martin watched as he saw the otter's throat at work, knowing that the otter was sucking down his own seed and wouldn't let a drop spill.

FOXGLOVE: (sings) And when I suck you off not a drop will go to waste!

LABURNUM: (sings) It’s really not so bad, you know, once you get past the taste!

Seeing this, plus the fact that the otter's tailhole clenched his own erection caused Martin to orgasm and with one final hip thrust up he buried his mouse cock

CLOGG: … an’ took out the cat one from ‘is collection.

into the otter's rear and shot his best load yet. After a few minutes both of them came down from their high

FOXGLOVE: Ah, they’re on drugs! That explains everything!

and relaxed.

Martin dropped his hips and Skipper removed his mouth

BADRANG: They’re losing body parts again.

MARIEL: Faster than ever! Is there going to be anything left of them by the end?

from his cock, which was still hard but growing soft before their eyes. Skipper dropped his body

LABURNUM: Well, this is taking the removal of body parts thing to a new level! I’m impressed.

FOXGLOVE: Skipper the Really Friendly Ghost!

along with Martin's and remained sitting in Martin's lap. Both could feel the mouse's cock shrink and leave the otter's ass just as it went back into the sheath. The last pleasurable sensation caused Martin and Skipper to moan one last time.

BADRANG: I get the feeling this isn’t the last time we’ll be moaning.

Then Skipper got off

CLOGG: Didn’t ‘e already do tha- (Badrang hits him.)

the mouse, kneeled beside Martin and licked his otter precum off the mouse's belly. Then worked on cleaning Gonff's cum off as well.

All three spent they quickly went back to the river to wash off.

LABURNUM: Is it sad that I’m just happy they’re remembering to wash properly now?

MARIEL: No, you’re just a closet optimist. Don’t worry, I won’t tell.

As they reentered the main cave it was much brighter than Skipper's private cave due to the many torches that were burning bright.

FOXGLOVE: Torches, torches, burning bright / Martin’s had one hell of a night …

LABURNUM: I do feel sorry for these guys / but please may I gouge out my eyes?

Martin was a bit nervous at first, not sure what the other otters would think if they scented sex on him.

BADRANG: Would a lynching scene be too much to ask?

But his fears were unfounded as he witnessed some otters were still very much awake and were engaged in sex themselves.

(Confused pause.)

LABURNUM: Sooo … in this kid’s twisted version of Mossflower, public sex is normal … and yet Martin still didn’t know anything about it. Is this version of Martin blind or something?

FOXGLOVE: Maybe they think it’s only normal at Camp Willow.

LABURNUM: So why didn’t he see them starting when they’d just come out of the water? They did lurk around in the main cave for quite a while, and I don’t believe these otters would wait that long if their Skipper can’t even wait for Martin to wake up.

MARIEL: So either Martin is stupid, or the writer is.

CLOGG: In this case I’m guessin’ both.

Some were male and female,

CLOGG: Wouldn’t they all ‘ave ter be one or the other?

BADRANG: Not necessarily if we’re talking Yiffstar.

while others were clearly male-on-male.

LABURNUM: And they leave out the lesbians. As history always does.

BADRANG: Proving again that this was written by a girl?

FOXGLOVE: Not necessarily, but it does fit the evidence. Assuming of course that this version of Martin knows the difference between males and females, which I’m starting to doubt now.

CLOGG: Dammit. They missed out the one thing which coulda made me enjoy this …

LABURNUM: I think we’re legally obliged to slap you for that, but since we make crude comments about males all the time I guess it wouldn’t be fair. (sigh) Stupid equal opportunities going both ways …

He quickly recognized Root, the one who dragged Gonff through the water and was incidentally naked straddling Gonff's prostrate form as he rescusitated his friend,

CLOGG: Wot, ‘e’s drownin’ again already?

engaging in sex with another male he did not recognize but looked younger than himself.

LABURNUM: Awkward use of pronouns, check.

The three friends dived in and cleaned each other off.

(Badrang and Foxglove whistle the Psycho theme tune.)

Dripping wet they moved back toward the tunnel to the other caves and quickly shook themselves.


(Clogg winces.)

Then back in the cave they built a fire to dry off completely.

CLOGG: An’ died o’ smoke inhalation. The end. Can we l-


BADRANG: Hey, the dark riffs are my forte here!

Now warm and dry the three friends felt tired and quickly fell asleep. Skipper behind Martin. Martin behind Gonff.

BADRANG: (crosses claws) Please let the otter roll over on them in his sleep …

Martin was too tired to worry about feeling the otter's sheath and balls pressed up against his buttcheeks. And never considered what might happen to wake him up this time.

FOXGLOVE: Fire drill?

MARIEL: I have a bad feeling about that bit … but no, surely they couldn’t mean …

When Martin awoke he found he had his usual morning erection.

CLOGG: Did we really want ter know that?

He was groggy and it took him a little while to remember where he was and what happened just hours ago.

LABURNUM: (Martin) AAH! Where am I, who are they, why am I holding a traffic sign, HOW MUCH DID I DRINK LAST NIGHT?!

CLOGG: Ye’d think it’d take a while ter notice ‘is, er, liddle problem if ‘e can’t even remember where ‘e is …

BADRANG: Of course he’d notice it – it is where he seems to keep his brain now.

MARIEL: And this is different from normal males because ...? (Badrang glares at her.)

At the memory his cock twitched.

CLOGG: Wid fear.

He looked down and saw that his cock was buried up in Gonff's ass.

(Stunned silence. All assume expressions best described as “WTF?”)


MARIEL: Alright, I was wrong. They did do what I thought they were going to do!

LABURNUM: Okay, what little believability there was in this excuse for a fic has just vanished into nothingness.

(Badrang looks deliberately nonchalant and attempts to conceal the fact that he’s pressing his rump into the bench as hard as he can.)

They were in the same position that they fell asleep in, Martin's front was pressed against Gonff's backside, and Skipper was pressed up against Martin.

FOXGLOVE: (sings) The otter’s connected to the something, the something’s connected to my wristwatch … whoops.

Which reminded Martin of the otter. He immediately felt the otter's rather sizable erection pressed against his asscheeks, with the head just past the base of his tail. Remembering where it was when they went to sleep,

CLOGG: I’m ‘opin’ it was in the usual place attached to ‘is body, but ye never know in this thing …

and feeling where his own cock is now,

LABURNUM: Breaking the laws of space-time, wherever it is or was. Sheesh, tenses, people, they’re important …

he half expected the otter cock to be stuffed inside his virgin rear.

MARIEL: Am I the only one glad that it wasn’t?


He was the only one awake right now, the other two sleeping soundly.

FOXGLOVE: (dumbfounded) But … how come Gonff’s still asleep if he’s got … that … stuck … there?!

CLOGG: (scratching his head) Either ‘e was drugged all to hell or ‘e’s died in the night …

MARIEL: Or he has no nerve endings below the waist and is really good at faking …

LABURNUM: Or else Martin’s really, really, really small. (smirks) If I hadn’t just sworn off the sword jokes I’d say this was proof he was overcompensa- (Other MSTers hit her with cushions) Ow! Ow, okay, ow, I’ll stop, ow!

He recalled how the otter had offered his ass to the warrior.

MARIEL: (Martin) Hey, thanks, Skipper, I always wanted a donkey!

And now he found himself inside the mousethief's ass.

LABURNUM: Now we’ve got vore in this thing too?


LABURNUM: (embarrassed) … yeah, sorry, remind me to think my riffs through better before I say them.

He was stuck between them and wouldn't be able to move out without waking one or the other.

MARIEL: Why? If Gonff can sleep through having things jammed into his orifices, odds are he could sleep through Martin moving!

He felt guilty about being inside his mouse friend without being given permission,

LABURNUM: As he bloody well should!

but then he figured that the thief wouldn't care and would probably joke about it being better late than never.

CLOGG: Ha! Oh yeah, that makes perfect sense! (Martin) “Hey, Gonff me ole matey, I fink I might ‘ave accidentally raped you in me sleep. Hope ye don’t mind.” (Gonff) “Oh, no worries, ‘appens to everybeast!” (to self) Gaah, smile an’ nod, smile an’ nod an’ we’ll get through this … (grins manically and bobs head rhythmically)

He came back to the fact that the otter had offered a very personal part of himself, yet Martin did not make the same offer.

FOXGLOVE: I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse … hehehe.

He felt he should have but he kept looking at the size of the otter's cock and was afraid to have something that large open him up in a way he never considered.

BADRANG: Yeah, I’d be worried about intestinal ruptures as well …

MARIEL: I think you’re confusing this with reality there.

The warrior mouse made up his mind then. He was sure the otter would enjoy waking up in this manner.

LABURNUM: (sings) Make your move, doesn’t mean I will or won’t …

He reached behind him, took ahold of the otter's cock, pressing his body forward (incidentally stuffing more of his cock

CLOGG: Mm, chicken!

BADRANG: That’s getting really old now, you know that?

into the mousethief) he brought the otter cock forward and down till it pressed against his own virgin tailhole. He could feel that the cocktip was leaking

MARIEL: They really should get Foremole in to check the plumbing there.

copious amounts of precum and he was grateful for the lubrication it would provide.

LABURNUM: So now they suddenly need lube after having ignored it for this whole thing?

Being careful not to wake either of his friends he pressed back gently, the otter cock causing his pucker to dimple inward and kept up the slight pressure. It wasn't working too well

FOXGLOVE: Considering the size of the appendage involved, I’m not really surprised.

so he pushed back a bit harder and kept up the pressure. His hole dimpled further. Just before he was going to push back harder, his hole gave up its resistance and

CLOGG: … ‘e split in half. The en-

LABURNUM: No, you can’t leave yet!

Martin felt the tip and a couple inches slip inside his rectum, more than he had thought. He had to bite his lip to keep from crying out from the pain. But he didn't pull away.

CLOGG: But ‘e did pull a muscle. (grins weakly)

He was a warrior and wasn't about to let a little pain stop him from returning the favor to his friend. He managed another couple inches in before having to stop again. Now he had about half inside. He estimated the otter's cock to be about 8 inches long

MARIEL: Okay, if we assume they’re supposed to be human-sized here that’s not too bad …

and as thick as his fist.

(All MSTers wince and cross their legs again.)

BADRANG: Gah! That is not a penis, that is a lethal weapon and should be treated as such. Destroy it this instant.

CLOGG: I fink I coulda cheerfully lived the rest o’ me life widout ‘earin’ yew say the word “penis”.

MARIEL: (flinches visibly) Same goes for my thoughts on hearing you use the word!

CLOGG: (smirking) Wot, “p-”

(Badrang leaps on Clogg and shoves a cushion over his mouth.)

FOXGLOVE: (smiles at Badrang) Thank you. Now let him go before he suffocates.

(Badrang looks disappointed, but releases Clogg, who gives him a death glare and struggles back upright.)

No mouse ever had this big a cock. The biggest one had been 6 inches and only half as thick.

LABURNUM: Which kinda begs the question – especially if he’s as completely clueless as they said he was in the beginning – how the hell does he know?

It was about this time when Skipper awoke. Since he was behind Martin, the mouse couldn't see his eyes open, and the otter gave no indication to the mouse that he was awake.

MARIEL: (Skipper) If I ignore him, he’ll go away …

CLOGG: I tried that, an’ when I open me eyes the story’s still there!

He could tell by the tight grip that the mouse had never been fucked before. It took some effort on his part to stifle moans

BADRANG: I know how he feels.

of pleasure as the virgin mouse continued impaling himself

FOXGLOVE: (Martin, overdramatic) I need to get out of this horrible fanfic somehow! Goodbye cruel world! (Mimes stabbing self and falls off seat.) The end … ow, I got a splinter.

upon the otter's sizable cock. Skipper then put his paw on Martin's waist. Martin stopped what he was doing, wondering what the otter's reaction would be.

LABURNUM: Endothermic, since it’s so completely not hot! Ha! Fear my chem geek skills!

BADRANG: Actually that's not quite how it works, endothermic reactions absorb heat while ex-

LABURNUM: Quit nitpicking. I know what I mean.

The otter whispered into his ear, "It's rather difficult not to notice a virgin mouse trying to impale himself upon an otter's cock,

FOXGLOVE: (Skipper) The screaming and bleeding tends to give it away.

MARIEL: (confused) And yet it’s apparently easy to sleep through having one jammed up your-

CLOGG: Please, miss, just smile an’ nod! It ‘urts ter think about it!

especially one like mine, which is larger than most otters."

LABURNUM: Wait, “larger than most otters” with no apostrophe … sheesh, I thought it was too big before, but …


He began caressing Martin's side, causing the mouse to relax. "Since you seem determined to take it all,

FOXGLOVE: (Skipper) … I’ll have to kill you if you don’t put it back.

let me help and show you how".

With that the otter held onto Martin's side and slowly pulled his cock back out leaving just the tip inside. "Are you ready, my virgin warrior?" the otter spoke.

BADRANG: (confused) But if he’s buggered the otter then he’s not a vir-

OTHER MSTERS: Smile and nod!

Martin stifled a giggle at this

(All MSTER’s jaws drop, then they burst out laughing.)

BADRANG: (speaking between sniggers) … okay, when I realise Martin’s reached an impossible degree of being out of character, there’s a really big problem.

LABURNUM: (wipes eyes and breathes deeply) I’m sure there are good jokes to make about that, but I think “Martin giggling” really kinda speaks for itself, doesn’t it?

and whispered that he was.

BADRANG: Glad somebeast is. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for this.

He then felt the otter cock slide slowly back into his ass up to the halfway mark where he had it before. Skipper carefully applied a bit more pressure before pulling out again as before. The next slow thrust had Martin feeling the cock go a fraction of an inch further.

FOXGLOVE: Well, of course. The key element in flying is always thrust! ‘Specially if you’re a chicken. (Other MSTers groan.) Oh, come on, guys, they were begging for that one!

Each time Skipper would pull out except the tip, then thrust back in to where it was the tightest, he would apply a bit more pressure to help stretch the next section a bit more, then go right back to pulling out. In this manner he set up a rhythm.

LABURNUM: (sings) I wanna fuck you like an animal! I wanna feel you from the insi- (realises Clogg is humming along and stops abruptly) Ah-hehehehe … hey, we got two Nine Inch Nails riffs in one fic. Cool.

FOXGLOVE: Well, that song’s kinda appropriate. They violated and desecrated the canon …

MARIEL: Though you can’t say they complicated it.

BADRANG: And this is going to break apart Martin’s insides …

CLOGG: I wish someone’d ‘elp me get away from it.

FOXGLOVE: Someone tore down this writer’s reason.

MARIEL: Martin’s become somebody else.

CLOGG: This fic’s existence is flawed.

LABURNUM: (laughing) And I guess it’s getting me closer to God because I’m praying it’ll end …

It was during this time when Martin began to realize the pain was going away and it was beginning to feel good. Especially when the otter's cock hit or pressed a small spot within his rectum.

FOXGLOVE: Whee! Can I press the button again?!

When that happened he would feel his cock jump and pulse and a jolt

MARIEL: He’s been struck by lightning?

BADRANG: Oh, I wish …

of pleasure shoot through his entire body, causing him to moan out and his cock to grow stiffer.

LABURNUM: Until it snapped. 

(Male MSTers wince.)

After a short while of this though, he couldn't hold back. His body stiffened up

FOXGLOVE: Rigor mortis? Yes! He’s dead and this fic can’t make him suffer any more! … I just hope Skipper notices …


as his balls gave up their load of seed, depositing it into Gonff's sleeping form.

MARIEL: Uh … Gonff’s still asleep? I’m starting to get just a little worried here …

BADRANG: Oh no … if it turns out to really be necrophilia, I’m committing hara-kiri.

His own ass would clench around the otter's cock, causing Skipper to nearly blow his own load before he was fully inside the warrior. He paused in his slow thrusts until Martin's orgasm wore off.

LABURNUM: (Skipper) Darn, maybe I should tell him to polish that.

Then he commenced slowly moving in and out of the warrior's virgin hole.

MARIEL: (confused) But he’s not-

OTHER MSTERS: (frantic) Smile and nod!

Always bringing out every inch but the tip to keep the mouse's hole open, then pushing it all back in and slipping in deeper each time.

LABURNUM: (sings, overdramatically) Do you know how far this has gone? Just how damaged have I become?

FOXGLOVE: (sings equally overdramatically) When I think I can overcoooooome …

BOTH: (sing) It runs even deeper! (They high-five.)

LABURNUM: Whoo-hoo! We got the Reznor hat trick! (shakes fists in the air and whoops)

About an hour after they started, and after two more of Martin's orgasms in which he dumped copious amounts of cum into the sleeping mousethief's rear end, Martin felt he couldn't take any more.

CLOGG: I know ‘ow ‘e feels. (shudder)

But then Skipper announced, "Congratulations, Martin. You took it all".

LABURNUM: Impressive, since it would be at least twice a mouse’s height! It's the spear thing again, isn't it?

Martin couldn't believe it.

MARIEL: Nor can we.

He focused on the feelings in his rear. It felt stretched far more than it had when he managed to take in four of the otter's eight inches.

BADRANG: I’m not surprised, that thing’s going to be puncturing his liver …

And he could feel the otter's lap against the fur of his rump, the sizable balls pressed firm against his buttocks.

"Do you want to go further,

CLOGG: But it’s already all the way up-

FOXGLOVE: Clogg! I don’t get to do dirty jokes without getting yelled at and interrupted, so neither do you!

or stop right now?" Skipper asked.

"Since you are deep inside me, why stop now?

CLOGG: Because my sanity can’t take any more o’ this! Please stop now!

BADRANG: What sanity? (Clogg hits him.)

I have filled you with my seed, and I should not accept any less from you," Martin replied.

With that said Skipper pulled his entire cock out of Martin's ass, even the tip, allowing the mouse's hole to close up again.

CLOGG: (Skipper) Whoops, it slipped!

MARIEL: And they had to start again.

(Pause while riffers consider this.)

ALL: (screaming variations on the following) AAAAAH! NO! PLEASE DON’T START AGAIN!

But Martin could feel it still pressing against his tight pucker. And seconds later the otter reopened his hole and continued pressing his cock inward not as slow as before

BADRANG: Good, so maybe this thing will actually end sometime today.

until it was once again entirely embraced by the mouse's insides.

"You know,"

LABURNUM: No, he doesn’t. At least not according to this author …

said the otter as he got into a rhythm and steadily going faster, "It took Gonff four times before he managed to get my entire cock inside his hot hole.

FOXGLOVE: I’m not surprised. No chicken would like being shoved into a volcano.

During his attempts he would often have other otters with smaller cocks work his ass to help stretch it till he could take mine fully.

LABURNUM: Wow, Gonff’s the Camp Willow bicycle … huh, always thought that would be Mask.

MARIEL: What? Why?

LABURNUM: Well, “master of disguise” – maybe he gave in to temptation and used his powers for evil … I’m kidding, but please don’t tell him I said that, okay?

MARIEL: What’s it worth?

CLOGG: Ahem. Ladies, ye can blackmail each other later. Keep riffin’.

I've fucked many mice but you're the first to take my entire eight inches the first time".

Martin's cock remained erect the entire time because the otter's cock was almost constantly barraging his prostate gland, keeping him on the edge.

BADRANG: … of a cliff. Mmm, revenge fantasy …

Occassionally Martin would stifle a scream of primal pleasure

LABURNUM: Ah, here goes the banshee screaming!

as he would orgasm and fill Gonff's insides with another load of his mouse essence. At these times Skipper would have to stop thrusting as Martin's anal ring would grip his cock and he didn't want to go off himself too soon.

CLOGG: Since ‘e managed it four times in a row last time, why’d it matter?

After the warrior's orgasm would subside he'd pick up

MARIEL: … all the body parts they dropped earlier?

where he left off.

After a long while both could feel Martin's hole loosen up immensely and Skipper took this opportunity to start to pound hard and fast.

FOXGLOVE: On Martin’s skull with a hardback book. (mimes exorcism) Get thee behind me, Bad Slash! The power of Jacques compels you!

Though he also didn't have much choice as he was getting closer to his own orgasm and instincts were taking over. He hoped Martin knew what he was getting himself into.

FOXGLOVE: I’d be more worried about what’s getting into him! 

LABURNUM: Argh, Fox, that was just crude and too easy!

FOXGLOVE:  (grinning hugely as other MSTers laugh uproariously) So’s Martin!

LABURNUM: And so was that! No more, okay? It’s not funny and it’s not clever. (hides giggle, sotto voce) Getting into him … gotta remember that one.

Once instincts took over, Skipper would slam

CLOGG: … the door be’ind ‘im as ‘e fled in terror!

it in faster and harder, and his only thoughts would be of his release, not of his partner.

MARIEL: Well, the polite thing to do would be to, you know, warn him before you started!

About half an hour later Skipper was doing just that. He was running

BADRANG: Sensible fellow. Run, it’s not too late, you can still escape! I’ll come with you! (starts to get up)

CLOGG: (grabs Badrang’s sleeve) Oh no yer don’t!

on instinct now and Martin's ass was really being plowed,

FOXGLOVE: So they have chickens and donkeys, and now they’re ploughing? When did Camp Willow take up agriculture?

it was all he could do to endure it, it was hurting and feeling intensely pleasurable at the same time.

BADRANG: Change “pleasurable” to “frightening” and you have a pretty fair description of this scene’s effects on me.

Gonff woke up because now Martin's body was being shoved back and forth.

MARIEL: Gonff’s alive! That’s good, I was worried for a while there …

(All sigh with relief.)

Gonff realized what was going on and decided to push back so Martin's cock remained in his own ass the entire time.

LABURNUM: (raising eyebrows) Wait, according to that grammar Martin’s now managed to stick his own-

FOXGLOVE: Oh please, don’t make me picture that!

(Laburnum smirks. Other MSTers shudder.)

Skipper was gripping Martin's waist tightly now as he thrust wildly, sometimes sending Martin into orgasmic fits though he had no seed left to deposit inside the mousethief's rectum.

CLOGG: Did the chickens eat it all?

Faster and harder Skipper plowed on.

MARIEL: Better be careful, he’ll get curved furrows.

FOXGLOVE: Told you they were on a farm.

Until, with one last great thrust, he shoved his entire cock into Martin's backside, left it there as he shot several wads of otter cum as deep into Martin's rectum as it could go.

LABURNUM: Like Zorro!

(Foxglove sniggers. Other MSTers look confused.)

A number of minutes later the otter's orgasm subsided and he relaxed his grip.

BADRANG: Unfortunately by this time Martin was already squashed into pulp. The end. Can I-

FOXGLOVE: No, you can’t leave! I think it’s nearly finished anyway, just hang in there for a bit …

His instincts loosened their grip on his mind and he apologized to the warrior mouse, "I'm sorry, Martin. I should have warned you about an otter's sexual instincts.

MARIEL: Yes, you bloody well should! Didn’t I say so earlier?

You should meet my cousin, Mudge.

BADRANG: What … Why is he talking about his cousin in a situation like this?

FOXGLOVE: Random disturbing topic shifts are fun!

LABURNUM: Wait, Mudge the otter? That name’s kinda familiar …

He's truly lecherous,

MARIEL: And Skipper and Gonff, who indecently assaulted a sleeping friend, are not lecherous because …?

though he'd tell you it was only with the female persuasion, I know for a fact he's done it with plenty of males, including a large unicorn stallion".

(Laburnum goes rigid, grins evilly and her eye whites glow red. Other MSTers shuffle away from her.)

LABURNUM: (terrifyingly cheerful) I shall kill this writer.

BADRANG: What? What did they do this time?

LABURNUM: Oh, nothing. Just violated another of my favourite book series. (cackles, plucks knife from belt and licks it, then strokes it against her cheek) Fear not, my poor Mudge, your honour and that of Alan Dean Foster shall be avenged. Yessssss.

FOXGLOVE: Not that I want to interrupt your righteous anger, but I’ve read the first one of those books, and … wasn’t Mudge canonically pretty much a total manslut?

LABURNUM: Homophobic manslut, Foxglove. Not that I think that’s a good thing normally, but it’d take a lot more than two sentences of gratuitous crossover to persuade me otherwise in his case.

Then he added, "I was surprised that you remained tight the entire time, which certainly added to my pleasure and caused my instincts to take over much earlier than usual".

BADRANG: What … He was going for a couple of hours, how long does it usually take?!

MARIEL: I seem to recall the first go at the beginning only took fifteen minutes. What happened there?

CLOGG: (waves paw airily) Well, everybeast ‘as an off day once in a while …

Martin was very sore, but understood Skipper wasn't able to help himself

MARIEL: That’s what they all say.

 and wasn't about to hold his friend responsible. Besides, he had started it and wanted the otter's essence to fill him.

LABURNUM: … What? That’s IT? No comment whatever on the unicorn thing? (stands up and angrily waves arms, voice gets increasingly shriller and louder) No reaction whatsoever to being told that Skipper’s cousin is screwing a fucking UNICORN?!

CLOGG: Hehe … smile an’ nod? (Laburnum spins round and punches him across the face) YOWWW!

LABURNUM: Oh Gawd, sorry! (helps him up) I’m sorry, really I am! I generally try not to do that when I’m not on a mission!

CLOGG: ‘Pology accepted … but I fink me front teeth jes’ fell out through me nostrils …

They laid like that for a while, Skipper's cock still buried deep inside Martin's ass.

LABURNUM: (sighs) I’ve given up even trying to mentally correct the physiology here.

BADRANG: Stay calm, it’s nearly over …

Martin's own cock had shrunk back down, now that his prostate wasn't being battered,

MARIEL: Mm, battered chicken! (Other MSTers groan.) What? It’s my turn to use the bad chicken jokes!

and left Gonff's body and went back into his sheath.

They fell asleep like that,

MARIEL: Whoa, wait a second! They’re just going to fall asleep again … so they’ve been at this all day?!

FOXGLOVE: Nah, it’s the old badfic time problem. Same thing that causes it to take less than a day for the Fellowship to reach the Misty Mountains, y’know.

and Martin wondered if the otter's cock would still be in his now abused hole when he woke up again.

BADRANG: (dully) Oh Mother Nature, I truly hope not.

And if it was, would he discover himself being fucked again.

LABURNUM: (bitter) Nah, he’s just gonna listen to Skipper yatter on about his other cousin Russell who’s banged a fluorescent-green bear …

He didn't care, in fact he looked forward to it.

CLOGG: Glad somebeast is lookin’ forward to it, ‘cos we sure ain’t!

Time would tell. For now he needed more sleep than before.

FOXGLOVE: And I need more Bleepsinthe than before.


(All cheer and whoop loudly.)

...For now


(Mariel leaps up, unloops the Gullwhacker from her shoulder, whirls it briefly around her head and smashes the glass of the projector and booth window with it as the lights go up. After a few seconds, Agent Skyfire opens the window and leans out, brushing broken glass out of her fur.)

SKYFIRE: Mariel, I appreciate that you didn’t enjoy the show, but can you please not vandalise the equipment?

MARIEL: (sigh) Sorry. I’ll ask my dad to fix it when I get back to the main building, okay?

(Stormsong opens the door of the booth and steps out.)

STORMSONG: Aye, we appreciate the offer. I take it ‘twas harder than thou wert expecting?

MARIEL: … yeah. It was pretty bad.

CLOGG: (rocking back and forth) Smile and nod, smile and nod, smile and nod …

STORMSONG: Well, thou canst not say thou wert not warned. Badrang, how art thou feeling?

BADRANG: (sarcastic) Well, apart from the fact that I think my genitals have retracted so far into my body that they’re now roughly level with my lungs, fantastic.

(Others all look very ill.)

FOXGLOVE: Was that mental image really necessary?

BADRANG: After what you little brats have put me through, yes. I needed my revenge.

MARIEL: Oh, Laburnum – what was the big problem with the unicorn thing? Alright, it’s stupid, but …

LABURNUM: (sighs) Pointless crossover with Spellsinger. ‘Nother favourite book series of mine. And it doesn’t have any fanfic and I’ve been asking around for it, but this is the nearest I’ve seen, and “this” is a tiny mention in a bad lemon in which they still managed to cause damage to one of my favourite characters even though he’s only mentioned in two sentences. I wouldn’t actually mind ‘em slashing him as such, but I’d really prefer it if there was some sort of attempt to be convincing rather than just making a random reference in a fic for an entirely different not-very-compatible fandom.


LABURNUM: Yeah. Guess I should be thankful they didn’t bring Jon-Tom and Falameezar in there as well as the unicorn.

CLOGG: (coming out of his trance) Who?

FOXGLOVE: Ah, Jon-Tom’s a human, and Falameezar is … a really freakin’ big dragon.

SKYFIRE: Big meaning …?

FOXGLOVE: … ‘Bout fifty feet.

(Horrified pause while they consider this. Mental images sink in, on top of still-fresh mental images from the badfic. Clogg whimpers quietly. Mariel groans.)

STORMSONG: (with fixed smile) I feel this may be a good time to stop the camera. (turns to face camera, still with fixed smile) We do apologise for the inconvenience, we shall be right back once we finish purging our besmirched souls.

LABURNUM: (talking to self, on the verge of crying) Fucking unicorn …

(Stormsong reaches towards the camera and switches it off.)



[Author's Note; And this one might be worse than "Shadow Rapes Matthias". At least I didn't panic that Matthias might have died halfway through that one. But yes, much fun. Oh, and go read Spellsinger. It rocks.]


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