Writing

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(American and English approximate ratings provided for your convenience. Enjoy.)

Redwall

The Official Fanfiction University of Redwall

PG-13 / 15 for many, many, many dirty jokes. External link to Livejournal. Co-written with Kitsune106, a.k.a. Mister Kit. Furries and fanbrats come to Learn Through Pain. With thanks to Miss Cam for the Official Fanfiction University concept.

A Guide To Redwall Mary Sue: Revised Edition

PG-13 / 12. Study the various Mary Sues of the Redwall fandom in order to avoid them.

A Threat or a Promise?

PG-13 / 12. Squicky slash. A spy is briefed on his mission and informed of his ... reward.

Cold Comfort

PG-13 / 12. Slash and angst. Two stoats seek distraction during a bad night.

Disregarded Warnings

PG. Implied slash. Samkim wasn't the only one visited by Martin that night.

From Eavesdropping to Escape

PG-13 / 12. Slash. The real reason Dingeye and Thura left the Corpsemakers.

Hell Gates Tango

PG-13 / 12. It's a music video/filk to Cell Block Tango. You may shoot me for inflicting this upon the fandom. Please note it contains probably less OOCness than most Cell Block Tango filks, as my singer/perpetrators are mostly vermin and therefore do go round killing things, but it also contains crack pairings even I don't believe, one instance of hinted slash, and lots and lots of character death.

Mirrors

PG-13 / 15. Emperor Ublaz has strange hobbies. Slash. Sort of.

Once Upon A Midnight Dreary

PG-13 / 15. A satirical ode to truly godawful Redwall lemons. Yes, they exist, and most of them seem to be terrifyingly bad. Based on a true story. Contains not-very-explicit references to slash, incest, non-consensual and/or underage activity and general revolting and disturbing imagery. No, those aren't supposed to be the "true" bits, though I have seen them all in fics. See my PPCings. I really mean no personal disrespect to the author, but those things were still scary.

Redwall Jokes

G / U. Various favourite jokes of mine altered to fit the Redwall universe. Thoroughly silly, but fun.

Scarytails Can Come True

PG-13 / 12. The woodlanders of Mossflower are not the only beasts who tell tales to their young ones. Young rats and stoats and weasels love a story as much as any Abbey-raised mousechild, and so their mothers tell them tales to send them off to sleep and to teach them the ways of the world and their place in it.
Of course, being vermin, their stories are rather different from those of the Abbeydwellers. And, perhaps, they look something like this ...

 ~ Little Redtail

 ~ Tom Tit Tot

 ~ Sweet-Rampion

Shipmates

PG-13 / 12. Slash. Slitfang decides that Bladd isn't completely useless. Note that I do not support Slitfang's line of reasoning or treatment of Bladd in this - it's consensual, it's just rather mean. First few sentences taken directly from the book Triss, and I think you'll see what I mean when I say Mr Jacques was asking for this one.

Slaughter of the Crew of the Rusty Chain

PG-13 / 12. The ballad so gory Mr Jacques wasn't allowed to publish it! Pull up a chair an' a flagon o' grog, sing along iffen ye knows the chorus!

The Dead Mouse Sketch

PG. Because Monty Python can never be parodied too many times.

Veiled in Deceit

R / 15. Written after discussions on Fanficrants on LJ. A very unusual look at a certain character, done to deliberately challenge fanon views. Rating for non-graphic but obvious rape and other violence and a semi-graphic birth scene. Text in italics at beginning and end taken directly from Outcast of Redwall. Please READ THE NOTE AT THE END before passing judgment.

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Harry Potter

Mary Sue, You Must Die

PG. Filk to American Pie.

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Good Omens

Fun with Flames and Fangirls

PG-13 / 12. Inspired by conversations on Lower Tadfield Air Base. What would the characters think of what we write about them? Nothing very good, as you'll see.

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Discworld

The Stibbons Awards

G / U. Discworld's equivalent of a certain Internet-based prize. Ridcully embarrasses Ponder yet again. 250 words, just because I wanted to see if I could keep to a limit.

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Welkin Weasels

Drabbles100

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Protectors of the Plot Continuum

Mission #1: The Death And Times Of A Sue Named Blaise Zabini

PG-13 / 12. Agents Foxglove and Laburnum meet and go on their first killing spree - I'm sorry, I mean mission.

Mission #2: Thou Shalt Not Suffer A Sue To Live

PG-13 / 12. Laburnum and Foxglove dispose of a religious extremist trying to spread the good word at Hogwarts. Weird? Yeah, we thought so too.

Mission #3: Rescues and Recruitment

R / 15. The agents experience their first goodfic as the Intelligence agent is unavailable. Unfortunately, the goodness (ha!) of their hearts gets them into serious trouble . . .

Mission #4: Of Lobotomised Otters and Sue-ish Stupidity

PG-13 / 12. The agents experience their first Redwall badfic mission. Seven Sues and Stus must be slain. The word "stupid" is used multiple times. With perfect justification.

Mission #5: Moaning Mary, Simpsons Sue

PG-13 / 15 for mentions of icky things. The Deathwish Duo realise that the SO hasn't forgotten Laburnum's insulting him, as he sends them into their first ever Simpsons Sue. On top of that, they suffer just a sprinkling of the trials and tribulations of the Good Omens Fan Fiction Summer School.

MASS MISSION: Of Agents and Lots of Pain (all R / 15)

~ Introduction

~ Part #1

~ Part #2

~ Part #3 (by Kitsune106 with assistance from me)

~ Part #4

~ Part #5 (by Manx with assistance from me)

~ Part #6 (by Nin Brandt with assistance from me)

~ Part #7

~ Part #8

~ Part #9 (by Kitsune106 with assistance from me)

~ Part #10 (by Nin Brandt with assistance from me - coming soon!)

~ Part #11

~ Part #12

~ Part #13 (co-written with Kitsune106)

~ Part #14

~ Random Non-Sporky Interlude

The mass purging of what is known to the PPC as "That Series". It had to be done. Links except for the intro lead to LJ. I think my early ones are pretty dreadful now, but I'm keeping them (for now at least) to show exactly what an immeasurably huge improvement my work made over the two years it took me to write them. Intro and parts of dialogue not accurate now because who was taking the missions changed about, will change it at some point. Rated R for discussion of gore, rape, child abuse, incest, biological and psychological implausibilities, drug use, etc, though 99% of the graphic stuff has been cut. With infinite thanks to the people who pitched in and worked on these with me.

Mission #7: Jack the Squicker

R / 15. Over The Hedge does not need torture/murder fic, so Laburnum and Foxglove draw upon their experience of stopping disgusting things happening to cute furry animals and take it upon themselves to lance the metaphorical boil.

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MSTs

Mossflower Science Theatre #1: "Shadow Rapes Matthias"

NC-17! Graphic nonconsensual sex between male furry characters, one of whom is underage in the canon, though I think the disclaimer on the fic meant to say he's been aged up. BE WARNED! Depressingly enough, I'm not kidding on that title. Best thing you can say for this fic is that a) it was everything the title promised, b) it was one hell of a lot of fun to riff. The disclaimer on the fic said that Matthias is thirteen in the cartoon but his age isn't given in the book, and while Brian Jacques has said in interviews that Matthias was thirteen, I think that note was trying to say "for the purposes of this fic, he's older". So, for the sake of my sanity, the sake of keeping everything legal, and because it's a fanfic and I can do that, I'm going to say it's an AU where Matthias is of age. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it, because otherwise it's really icky. Not that him being of age makes the fic much less bad.

Mossflower Science Theatre #2: "Martin's First Time"

NC-17! Graphic and physically implausible sex between three male furry characters, all at the same time. BE WARNED! Same author as the last one, and possibly even more bizarrely unpleasant, but just as much fun to riff. "Enjoy".

Mossflower Science Theatre #3: "Martin and Boar"

NC-17! Graphic and physically implausible sex between two male furry characters, then three male furry characters. BE WARNED! It's the grand finale, and of course the best is saved for last, much to the riffers' horror.

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Crossovers

Vermin? You sure?

PG. Redwall/Welkin Weasels crossover, adopted from an ffnet user several years ago. Tagg and Nimbalo run into some strange weasels on their travels.

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Questions? Comments? Email me at wordsmith101NOSPAM@btopenworld.com (don't forget to delete the NOSPAM first).