A Guide To Redwall Mary Sue
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Modern Devices of Mary Sue
~Radios and CD or tape players~
Human Sues often bring their Walkman or pocket radio with them. For some reason
it works in a world without any electricity beyond lightning, and the batteries
never run out. The inhabitants of Redwall are not surprised in the slightest at
what they would see as a small metal box producing very weird music, either.
Somehow I think real Redwallers would be screaming "WITCH!" if they saw that.
Real humans from the Redwallish era certainly would. Probably a Mary Sue showing
off her CD player in Mossflower would be burned at the stake. Parody plotbunny!
Or maybe plotperson, considering the Pit of Humans reasoning? No, that's too
weird - even for me. I now have a mental picture of a rabbit typing out his
latest fic with a tiny human attached to his leg by three-inch fangs. Ugh,
creepy.
~"Cool" clothes and music~
Mary Sues are Mary Sues everywhere, and no American Sue would feel at home
without a sample of her huge wardrobe. Style depends on the Mary Sue in question
- most tend towards the "preppy". Occasionally a goth, punk or sk8ter gal turns
up. And we can just imagine how well thoses styles would fit in at Redwall -
that is, they would not. Creepily enough, sometimes we'll get a rough
approximation of these styles worn by a Non-Human Sue breed. As for the music,
see the top section. Not all Sues bring battery-powered devices, but it's quite
common for them to sing. I don't know why, because considering Redwall's
traditional songs, and the fact that it's set in the Dark Ages, I don't think
they would understand many modern songs, and pop music would sound really,
really silly on a lute. Not necessarily pop music, though - Disney songs
seem popular, and possibly would even be liked by the canon characters. The most
annoying part is when they sing songs from the books, with the right tune
despite the fact that they've only seen it written as a poem. If your character
does this, they will almost definitely get the tune wrong.
~Guns~
More often used by Human Stu than Sue, and a difficult area. I have been reading
fanfiction since I was ten, and in all that time I have seen "guns in Redwall"
done multiple times, but only done really well once. (I won't name the fic in
question. I'm not running an advertising service here, and it will insult the
other authors who have used this idea. I don't want to embarrass them or risk
flames.) This is too often used as an excuse not to train the character with
canon weapons. Redwall does not need guns. If you have read Terry Pratchett's
"Men At Arms" you will have an idea of the chaos guns would cause in a world not
designed to handle them. If not, you can probably guess. It could possibly be
done well as a "not-too-distant future Redwall" where the animals have
discovered gunpowder for themselves, but it would take research to find out what
early guns looked like, if you want it to work well. If Marty Stu has just
dropped into Redwall with his handgun, he will be seen as an evil warlock or
wizard. See above. Also, what happens when the bullets run out? They don't
magically return to the gun when you fire.
~Damage to both canon and realism~
I could go on forever with this section, but I don't think I need to. Anyone who
has read a Human Sue or Stu knows what I mean. This will be covered in detail in
a later chapter. Generally, the kid is randomly dropped into Redwall and thinks
"cool, I'm in Redwall!" Realism damage - I personally would be wetting my pants
in terror. The animals find him/her and go "wow, it's a random human kid! Hi
there!" Canon damage - the Redwallers are not very trusting of strangers, and
they would be terrified of humans, if they even know what a human is. If he/she
is transformed into an animal him/herself, he/she always thinks "cool!" instead
of "ARGH! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?!" If dropped in during one of the books, he/she
completely butchers the plot. No, the books would not be any better if Laterose
and Felldoh had lived. If not during one of the books, he/she sometimes
befriends a native Mary Sue/Marty Stu, and may briefly become the bearer of
Martin's sword. We never find out why Martin thought an alien (we are
technically aliens to Redwall - it's another universe, never mind another
planet) with no training and no fighting ability would be any good. Still, they
always go home, so Redwall doesn't have to cope with them for long.
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Look out for the next chapter. It's a bit more serious than most of the guide; What to do if your friend has written a Mary Sue, and how to tell him/her nicely. Most people (me for one) actually like to get polite, constructive criticism, but you have to be careful with it.
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Questions? Comments? Email me at wordsmith101NOSPAM@btopenworld.com (don't forget to delete the NOSPAM first).