A Guide To Redwall Mary Sue
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Enemies of Mary Sue
~Logic~
Mary Sue has an aversion to logic. This sounds odd, but she has her reasons. For
example, it is not logical for a child to suddenly fall into another dimension
where she becomes instantly proficient with weapons she couldn't lift and has
probably never seen before. It is not logical for a dead creature to suddenly
turn up alive with no explanation, or for somebeast to win a battle single-pawed
without so much as bloodstained fur, or for their worst fault to be "being too
nice". However, Mary Sue waves these arguments away and says "logik iz 4 losaz +
geecks!" Yes, among her many other powers is the ability to speak in
misspellings.
~Canon~
The ultimate weapon against the Mary Sue. Show her the word "canon" and she'll
either say "Canon? What on earth is that?" or run screaming. Canon is the way
the Redwall world fits together, the rules on which it runs. Every true Mary Sue
bends, if not breaks, at least some of these rules. For example, if Mary Sue is
Martin's daughter, she automatically breaks one rule - it is stated
categorically in the books that Martin had no children. Reformed Vermin Sues
just bend the rules - there were one or two reformed vermin in the books.
~Normality~
Pretty much speaks for itself. No Mary Sue could ever be described as "normal".
~Minor characters~
If your brain cells can stand it, take a look at a few Sue fics. Not too close
now, these things are toxic. Count how many times Mary Sue gets seriously
involved with a minor character. Zero. Why? Because Mary Sue craves attention.
She absolutely must be with the major characters at all times, where everybeast
can see her and shower her with praise. Who wants to hang around the sidekick?
Well, it didn't put Columbine off Gonff. But then, Columbine was not a Mary Sue.
~Major female characters~
Rose, Mariel, the Marlfox sisters. What have these females got in common? They
have all been attacked by Mary Sue. The Marlfoxes not so much, but it has
happened. Mary Sue hates them for stealing her limelight, and will kidnap them,
replacing them with a corresponding avatar of herself. Bluefen Sixclaw has also
suffered this occasionally, for some disturbing reason. Poor old Bluefen. She
doesn't get so much as a line of dialogue in the book, and she's still
Suefodder. Maybe Swartt writes them deliberately himself and forces innocent
fans to post them on their own accounts - better than Playferret magazine, eh?
~Us~
If you think about it, fanfiction writers are the true enemies of Mary Sue. Her
own authors put her through horrible torments to cause angst, but because Mary
Sue is, well, a Sue, she gets no sympathy from her readers. Those who are sane
enough to try not to write her are worse. We hate her, we mercilessly mock her,
we write guides on how to avoid her - like this one.
So why do we keep on writing her? Well, it's easy to do by accident. And they do
say love is blind. We despise Mary Sue, but if we write one of her avatars by
mistake, we adore it until somebody points out that it's a Mary Sue.
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The original version of this guide had a section about Mary Sue's smut scenes (I skipped over that section through sheer embarrassment), but this guide will not. The main reason; my parents would kill me. Plus, the "embarrassment" reason just mentioned. Instead, the next chapter will be about Mary Sue's male counterpart, Marty Stu. (Martin Stu? Ouch, get these vicious mice off me! Sorry Martin! HELP!)
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Questions? Comments? Email me at wordsmith101NOSPAM@btopenworld.com (don't forget to delete the NOSPAM first).