A Guide To Redwall Mary Sue
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Evil Mary Sue
~Who are they?~
They are some of the most feared, and most strange, Mary Sues. Instead of the
pretty, shiny, platinum-blonde fur we see on Mary Sue Classic, here we have fur
as black as the night sky. (The night sky is actually dark blue, but like so
many other facts this escapes the Suethors.) Instead of sparkly blue, their eyes
are like tar pits - black, shiny and lethal to the unwary. They do not angst
pointlessly like Reformed Vermin Sues, nor do they have the bubblegum
personality of Human Sues. These girls prefer the mannerisms of the
stereotypical villain - evil laughter and a tendency to gloat over their
helpless victims. They are the rare Non-Reformed Vermin Sues. This breed is the
most deadly, because they actively TRY to be evil, instead of the mere in-built
"unoriginal sin" of their sisters.
~Why aren't they in the first chapter?~
Evil Redwall Mary Sues are actually pretty rare. They don't turn up very often,
but are invariably mind-manglingly toxic when they do. Generally, they're just
so damn strange they deserve their own chapter.
~Why are they evil?~
Usually because the author likes one of the evil characters from the books, or
because they think ferrets are cuter than mice but are at least attempting to
stay in canon. This does not make their fics any less toxic, but at least
they're trying. Very trying. It may also be because the author thinks evil is
cool. No, I don't know what convoluted thought process came up with that idea.
In the worst cases, it's an excuse to let them wear lots of black. Wearing black
does not equal evil, Suethors, and I don't think there's a Hot Topic store in
Mossflower anyway.
~Can they become good?~
Most of the time, when they see how all the cute ickle woodlanders get along so
well and spend their days singing and playing happily. . . and nauseating anyone
over the age of five. Some of the weirder ones fall in love with the woodlander
hero and reform for him. This is of course perfectly normal, as creatures of
pure evil always change their ways instantly when confronted with a cute member
of the opposite gender. Sarcasm mode ON, in case you didn't notice. On top of
the damage to realism, it drives us up the wall and causes mental agony as we
attempt to work out how this "pairing" of stoat and squirrel is physiologically
possible. A tip - don't even try. It would hurt a LOT. (And so would your brain
- haha.) If you want to write mixed-species couples, here's a rough guide; if
one of the couple is twice as big as or capable of eating the other, it probably
wouldn't work.
~More ways to spot them~
Evil Sues are reasonably easy to spot. They may be related to a famous evil
canon character. Possibly this is worked into their backstory, but more often
than not it's simply for dramatic effect. It may also be an excuse to give them
weird-but-attractive features which make them stand out - being a Pure Ferret,
or having Fehrago's eyes. They also tend to have tragic pasts. After all, this
is Mary Sue. The fact that she tortures and murders her fellow beings for fun
can't possibly be her FAULT! She was misunderstood when she was a child, and of
course this is a reason for her to think that killing is cool. Her talents are
fairly similar to those of other Sues; for example, she can sing beautifully.
The difference is most Sues sing like Charlotte Church, and Evil Sue has the
sort of "deep, husky" voice which can make "Good morning" sound like an indecent
proposal. She can also fight with as much flair and ability as the hero, and
this will show in a long, awkwardly written fight scene.
~Why do the authors write such weird characters?~
Not a clue. Sorry. I have already admitted that I used to write Mary Sues, but
even I never wrote an Evil Sue. Ask their authors, if you're willing to risk the
enraged flame emails saying "omg wtf don't u dare tell me wot 2 rite i luv my
fic u biatch!!1"!11!". Sadly, many Suethors really are that childish. If they
are writing Mary Sues, they tend to be too immature to admit it. And too
immature to at least insult us with correct spellings.
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Using another of Psycho Violinist of Silentwood's ideas, the next chapter will be about the favoured careers taken by Mary Sues. They aren't all warriors at first, you know.
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Questions? Comments? Email me at wordsmith101NOSPAM@btopenworld.com (don't forget to delete the NOSPAM first).