A Guide To Redwall Mary Sue
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Careers of Mary Sue
~Warrior~
Of course. Many Mary Sues take up this calling upon a Martin visitation when the
Abbey is in need. Which is odd, since beforehand she was just another random
Abbey maiden, possibly the official warrior's daughter. She will almost always
become the new bearer of Martin's sword. See Chapter 10. Mary Sue never seems to
put on any muscle, but she can still swing a sword with the best of 'em, even
though she is built like a twig. Because, of course, muscle is only good
looking on boys. Battle scenes tend to centre on her, and since the author
probably isn't very good at writing battle scenes it gives the impression that
she's the only one actually killing anything. Her side wins. Of course.
~Escaped slave~
Usually written by Mariel or Triss worshippers and/or angst fans. Mary Sue
somehow escapes from the Evil Vermin Leader - how exactly tends to be glossed
over, because the author can't think of a decent escape plan without ripping it
off from Triss and company. She angsts for a few chapters about her tragic past,
and swears vengeance upon the monstrous vermin who Stole Her Childhood and
probably killed her parents into the bargain. We skip these chapters, hoping the
rest will be better, then groan when we realise it isn't any better. Mary Sue
tends to transfer into the Warrior profession during these fics, so she can "get
revenge". She single-pawedly wins the war, settles down at the Abbey, and lives
a long and happy life until the Sue Slayers get her. (Go Slayers!)
~Sailor~
No, not like Sailor Moon. I have yet to see a Redwall Sue quite that bad. "She
is the one called Mary Sue!" No, in this case it's Corsair!Sues and sea otters.
Poor ol' Brogalaw. Poor ol' Plugg Firetail. Suffering Suedom wherever they go.
Sampetra is nearly as badly infested as Noonvale. If Mary Sue chooses this
profession, the fic will probably be loaded with "Pirates of the Caribbean"
references. Corsair!Sue is the only creature on her ship with a conscience, but
for some reason doesn't get keelhauled or marooned for it. One would think that
the only nice creature on a searat ship would be easy prey, but Mary Sue
apparently controls her shipmate's brains as well as their hormones. Urgh -
searats and hormones should not be thought of in the same sentence.
~Schoolgirl~
Most of the Human Sues are still in school, normally being about the ages of
twelve to sixteen. Strangely, even though they're in Mossflower for days at a
time, they're never missed by their parents or teachers, and never get in
trouble for missing homework. Still, if you were them, wouldn't you be too
pleased at getting home alive to bother about homework? Human Suethors tend to
forget that Mossflower is DANGEROUS. If fully grown, fully trained,
woodland-experienced warriors get killed all the time, why does a little girl,
who is most likely from the middle of a city, survive so effortlessly? Maybe she
has learned a few basic survival skills on camping trips with the Brownies (Girl
Scouts to American readers), but they sure don't teach swordplay at MY school.
Though sometimes I wish they did - sounds fun.
These are the four most popular careers taken by Mary Sues. Several others have
been used at times. Some Sues are spoilt princesses - mostly Reformed Vermin or
Evil Sues, the daughters of the necessary Evil Warlord that practically every
Redwall fic features. A survey of Mary Sues found two hundred that gave their
profession as "seamstress", only one of whom owned any needles. (Gratuitous
Discworld references again. "Seamstress" in Discworld is used as a euphemism
for. . . something else. Hopefully you know what I mean.) Even though most of
them end up living at Redwall, few of them actually join the order. Joining the
order would mean they'd have to give up boys! Oh, the horror! Some of them do
join up, usually with instant promotion to Abbess. A couple of the less extreme
ones are scholars or some such. Funny, if they're scholars you'd think their
authors would be able to spell better.
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Keep watching for the next chapter. Using Lady Storm's suggestion (if anyone else has chapter ideas, send 'em in!), it will be about the most popular weapons used by Mary Sues. Sing with me now, Discworld fans; "A weasel's spear has a knob on the end. . . "
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Questions? Comments? Email me at wordsmith101NOSPAM@btopenworld.com (don't forget to delete the NOSPAM first).