A Guide To Redwall Mary Sue
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Seduction
Techniques of Mary Sue
~Emotional~
Used by: Canon Sue v. 1.2 Mariel Sue, mostly. Sometimes Mary Sue Classic,
Warrior Sue or Reformed Vermin Sue.
Mariel Sue is weeping hysterically into Dandin's shoulder, telling him about her
"painful past experiences" with the rats, which she somehow neglected to tell us
much of during her flashback scene in the book. Several readers throw up, even
though the fic rarely goes into graphic detail. Most of them click "back" around
this point. They are the sensible ones, as it then goes into a long sickening
make-out session between Dandin and Mariel Sue, interspersed with lyrics from
excruciating pop or goth music. Everyone else throws up, and Mariel fans flame
the author en masse.
Is this really credible? No. Mariel is not a weepy little shrinking violet who
relies on Dandin to keep her upright. She is tough and bitchy and doesn't waste
time angsting. That's why she's so popular. Heck, there's no canon evidence she
even WAS in love with Dandin! (I think she probably was, though. Fanon facts and
One True Pairings ahoy.)
~Spontaneous~
Used by: Mary Sue Classic, sometimes a Canon Sue of some type,
occasionally members of other breeds. It's very popular.
Mary Sue and her hapless swain are chatting/laughing/play-fighting, in a
perfectly innocent, normal, platonic, Dibbun-safe way. Suddenly they stop and
stare into each other's eyes. They lean over and kiss suddenly, not bashing
snouts even though neither has so much as asked the other if they want to kiss
in the first place. Nobody throws up, but they do cringe a lot, and all the
psychology students get horribly offended. People just DO NOT suddenly stop in
the middle of a normal conversation to start kissing. Nor do animals. Even
rabbits. (Breeding like rabbits, geddit? Oh never mind. Sorry Mirdops.)
~Stubborn~
Used by: Warrior Sue, sometimes a slightly more in-character than usual
(but no less evil) Mariel Sue.
I won't go down without a fight, she thinks. I don't love him, I just THINK I
do. He's not worthy. . . suddenly her train of thought is derailed by said
male's lips attaching themselves to hers. Rats (or should that be "humans" in a
furry fandom?), I DO love him. Bye-bye resistance. Sometimes there is a merciful
fade-to-black before it gets heavy, but since most of the readers have left
already because of nausea, it doesn't really matter. Afterwards, Mary Sue will
be filled with guilt. Pretend this never happened, she thinks. Then she sees the
male, and is filled with sickly-sweet love for him. . . oh, wait, she thinks, it
never happened. Must not show any emotion in front of him. This technique is
aptly named - Mary Sue is STUBBORN.
~Dramatic~
Used by: Almost every Sue has had their turn with this one. Only used
occasionally, though. Thank goodness.
The kind used in particurlarly awful fairy stories. Can start before or after
Mary Sue and whatever male she has attacked have become an "official" couple.
One of the couple (either Mary Sue or her male prey - both methods have been
used) is being tortured by the villain, and their "partner" rushes up and saves
them at the last minute. The villain is dead - but at what cost? The hero(ine)
leans over the body of the dying victim. No, don't leave me, they scream, you're
too cute to die. The story can take two paths here;
1. Either the victim dies anyway, causing lots and lots of angst and possibly
suicide of their partner, in which case it has no place in this section. Kind of
a blessing if Mary Sue commits suicide, though.
2. Or they survive, very likely because of healing from said partner, the couple
snog uncontrollably for hours on end and the story ends in a way which is so
happy and fluffy it would make Walt Disney wince. This is the kind I'm talking
about in this chapter, but I won't go into any more detail because I know my
readers value their current stomach contents.
Th psychology students get offended by some versions of this one too. Namely the
ones where Mary Sue and said male fall in love *because* one saved the other's
life. This is NOT a necessary part of having one's life saved, even in fiction.
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Next chapter will be about the enemies of Mary Sue, who are thus automatically our friends. Goodbye, boundaries of "woodlander" and "vermin" - Mary Sue is the One True Evil.
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Questions? Comments? Email me at wordsmith101NOSPAM@btopenworld.com (don't forget to delete the NOSPAM first).