A Guide To Redwall Mary Sue
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Habitats of Mary
Sue
~Redwall Abbey~
Infested worst by: Every animal Sue. Human Sue mostly drops into or
nearby Redwall, as well.
Mary Sue Red Alert (Redwall Alert?) Danger Zone. The perfect place for a Mary
Sue to live because, after all, it's so versatile! She can be a member of the
Abbey Warrior's family, an adopted vermin a la Veil, some random woodland maiden
- anything. As for her adventures, just about any story can start at Redwall. It
doesn't even have to be the Redwall from any actual time in the book series;
Mary Sues are prone to producing entire new generations of characters - possibly
to let themselves blend in better? Such a shame that Mary Sues can breed even
upon hallowed ground. If only they were like vampires and were slain by simple
holiness. Sadly not. Leave the garlic wreaths up, though, just in case.
~Salamandastron~
Infested worst by: Mary Sue Classic, Warrior Sue.
If Mary Sue is a hare, she will probably be living at Salamandastron - though
oddly she is sometimes living at Redwall. Weird. Although maybe Mary Sue would
get bored at the mountain. Plenty of cute males, but they're too busy discussing
the latest battle to pay any attention to her. Excellent place for a Warrior
Sue, though. Sometimes the story will start with Mary Sue being told she can't
fight because she's "only a female". Strange, that. It didn't put Pasque and
Twayblade off - or Cregga, for that matter. Anyway, Mary Sue will then try to
"prove herself", kill a major villain whom even the Badger Lord couldn't defeat,
get cheered, get kiss from hot male, blah. This story tends to be written by
extreme feminists and fans of Disney's Mulan. Pity - I liked that film.
Now it is irrevocably sullied with Sueness.
~Vermin Headquarters~
Infested worst by: Reformed Vermin Sue.
This encompasses places like Kotir, Riftgard, Marshank, etc. Anywhere where a
rat/weasel/ferret/stoat/fox Sue can blend in. Although maybe that should be TRY
to blend in - they never do very well. Mary Sue here is normally the daughter of
the vermin leader. This can take two basic paths. She can be an abused child,
hated by her family for no particular reason, or a very weak reason. She will
angst for a few chapters, then be saved by the woodland heroes, at which point
the story tuns to WAFF. (I did not make that up. It's a commonly used acronym,
and it stands for Warm And Fuzzy Feeling. Resist the urge to make filthy jokes
about this, please. It basically means sickening cuteness in story format.)
Otherwise, she is the Pampered Princess. Barbie in furry form. Of course every
soldier in the place is drooling over her, but They Are Beneath Her, so she
ignores them, and if she is one of the rare-but-dreaded evil Sues she delights
in breaking their hearts. Aww, poor critters.
~Somewhere in Mossflower~
Infested worst by: Mary Sue Classic, Warrior Sue, Reformed Vermin Sue.
Mary Sues are pretty finely sprinkled over Mossflower, polluting the pure
woodland with their evil. Judging by how many woodland dwellings, villages,
secret hideouts ripped off from Brockhall, etc there are in Mary Sue stories,
it's amazing there's any space left for the trees. Or Mary Sue may be a
Redwallish Lone Ranger, wandering around do-gooding. Reformed Vermin Sues favour
this method. They travel the country alone, solving troubles and never asking
for any reward, trying to prove they are not evil. . . ugh. Niceness. Soiling
the reputation of normal ferrets, weasels, stoats, rats and foxes. Anyway, it's
also a handy plot device to get Mary Sue to wherever the action is, which is
kind of cheating.
~The Open Sea~
Infested worst by: Reformed Vermin Sue, Warrior Sue (in Corsair or Sea
Otter outfits. Comes complete with cutlass and seaweed grog).
Uh-oh. Ocean-going Sues are rare, but feared more than the others, for on board
a ship there is nowhere for their victims to run. Another plot device to let
Mary Sue turn up at the main battleground, but even more impressive than the
"Somewhere in Mossflower" because she can now travel overseas. She fits in with
equal ease in Mossflower, Salamandastron, Terramort, Sampetra - you name it,
she'll be there when the story is. Or when one of her various lust objects is.
It's odd, but no matter how skilled a corsair/sea otter/whatever is in the use
of weapons, there seems to be an eldritch barrier preventing their use upon the
Mary Sue which has attached herself to his leg.
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Now we know the territory of the dreaded Sues, so we can avoid it during their breeding season. Sadly, I don't know when that is, so you're on your own. The upcoming chapter will feature Mary Sue's "problems". Note the quotation marks. "Being too nice" is not a genuine problem, Mary Sue.
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Questions? Comments? Email me at wordsmith101NOSPAM@btopenworld.com (don't forget to delete the NOSPAM first).