A Guide To Redwall Mary Sue
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I'd like to dedicate this chapter to
all the writers at the Pit of Humans and various other fanfiction sites who have
come across problems of their own. You know the sort - writer's block, broken
spellchecks, computers crashing *just* before you save your work and, of course,
Mary Sue and Marty Stu. You're not alone, fellow fanwriters.
"Problems" of Mary Sue
~Being too nice~
This is a PROBLEM? Yes, according to Miss M. Sue. Being so nice must be a fault,
even though it earns her dozens of friends and admirers among the creatures she
has brought under her spell. She can't have a tantrum, or be spiteful, and we
all know that this is a major problem. Well, she stands no chance in an insult
contest, at least - not that she'd ever enter one, being so nice. Mary Sue can
still feel negative emotions, of course. But only NICE negative emotions; fear,
sadness and justified anger. Never just the animal equivalent of PMT
(pre-oestral stress?) Always justified anger.
One would think that this disgusting niceness would mean Mary Sue could not
bring herself to fight and kill vermin. Sadly not. Ouch.
~Being too pretty~
Oh, what a tragedy. Being so beautiful must be a curse for poor Mary Sue. To be
surrounded by adoring fans and admirers, all the time. Truly terrible. See
chapter 3. This can also apply to looking "odd"; having purple eyes or something
else weird but pretty which everybeast is jealous of.
I can very nearly see where Mary Sue is going with this one, because being "too
pretty" can attract unwanted attention, hem hem, from vermin. (The authors who
write this sort of thing probably read too much into Mariel's flashback scene. .
. *squick, shudder*) However, that doesn't put most maids off trying to make
themselves prettier, at least none of the ones I know, so why does Mary Sue hate
it so much? Is anybeast really that modest? Maybe she is afraid it will help us
spot her Sueness. Or perhaps it is simply because to appreciate being so pretty
would be too logical. In Sue's own words (see chapter 5), logik iz 4 lozas +
geecks.
~Not-my-fault problems~
(This part's a bit more serious, but don't worry; the fun starts again
afterwards.)
This encompasses a lot of Mary Sue's problems; being an orphan, being a slave,
suffering abuse, not being accepted, etc. Anything which the author can milk for
angst. It's often the author's pitiful attempt to give her character a "flaw".
Strange definition of the word. Rarely if ever does it have the slightest thing
to do with the plot, simply turning it into part hurt/comfort, part soap opera.
In their place, both kinds of stories are fine, but not when mixed in with a
supposedly more important story. This kind of problem exists purely to cause
irritating angst and get healing hugs from one of Mary Sue's many male victims.
Repeat after me, Suvians. We Do Not Use Real Serious Issues Solely As A Plot
Device. We do not have our heroine enslaved/tortured/molested/forced to watch
the Teletubbies twenty-five times a day just so her boyfriend can cuddle her and
make it all better. No, wait; forcing Mary Sue to watch the Teletubbies
twenty-five times a day is a great idea! Why didn't I think of it before?
~Unrequited love~
This can go both ways. The male can be desperately in love with Mary Sue, which
may not seem a problem for her, but it is. She feels guilty about not loving him
back, and thinks it's all her fault for being too pretty and nice. See previous
problems. She is right, it is her fault for being that vile breed of succubus
known as Mary Sue. No male stands a chance against She Who Controls All
Testosterone.
Otherwise, more rarely, Mary Sue may be hiding a crush on the male. Cue many
scenes of overdone angst. Of course, by about three chapters into the story it
is discovered that said male is also in love with Mary Sue but was also hiding
it for some reason. Angst scenes are abandoned in favour of semi-smut, and the
readers run for cover.
~~~
Hope you feel better about your own
problems after that. Or at least more justified in complaining about them. You
don't complain that you're too nice, do you?
That's enough of Mary Sue's problems. What about her powers? Check out the next
chapter for information on Mary Sue's over-the-top, truly bizarre,
ever-so-brilliant POWERS! Super-Sue! Argh, no, Super-Sue bad thing, very
bad thing. . .
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Questions? Comments? Email me at wordsmith101NOSPAM@btopenworld.com (don't forget to delete the NOSPAM first).